{found}

there’s something you must know about me. i am wildly enamored with thrifting. i could roam aisles of second hand treasures for hours or be giddy over the beauty found in an antique store. you see, i like things with life & character…things with a story. so here, i will document my thrifted treasures regularly under the title {found.}

over the weekend my hunk & i took a spontaneous trip to a small town about an hour away called Clinton, Tn. the entire downtown is lined with antique stores. it was a dream..here are my scores : )

photo 1-3

photo 1-3 copy

i see more handmade aprons in my future :)

photo 3

photo 5

photo 4

photo 2-2

 

i saved my favorites for last, the peacock bowl is made of metal & i finally found a good price on a ransburg tin it’s from the 1930′s!

photo 3-2

sophie & i wish you the happiest day<3

{joy mission}

it’s been no secret that i have declared myself on a joy mission. i am seeking out things that make me feel alive with reckless abandon. i went to my first yoga class this week, & i was moved by it. i allowed myself to be moved & that’s a giant leap in comparison to where i’ve been recently. i am trying very hard to embrace where i currently am & that means that words haven’t found me, i haven’t found them. it’s a dance that happens on the regular. spinning, swirling, barely nudging elbows. i get angry. i get lost. right now, i’m getting along. i’m allowing other things to take the place of writing, to fill in my gaps. & in this space, i hope to share them with you. pen less  adventures, thrifted glory, baking joy, all that i delight in can be found here. there may be words, there may not. i don’t know. i don’t care. i just hope to share the digging with you<3

sadness.

i sat with myself this morning & let the sadness in. it washed over me & i felt it all over. not pity, not bitterness, just sadness. ache for lives no longer tethered to mine, souls that are too many miles away, & the unkindness of life. for the first time in a long time i did not fight it. i was not angry at it. i chose to be present with it. i’m still here. i’m ok. 

Image

blissful wandering.

This all started a few nights ago with my husband at a record store..we found John Mayer’s Continuum album..which was the soundtrack of the beginning of my creative life, an album that makes me feel, the first & last album i ever purchased by him. So today, remembering that girl, i drug out old journals. The ones that weren’t for anyone but myself & were true pieces of self expression. I miss that. I am so opposite of that girl. I was once so bold & joyful. Life has weathered me. Which can be a beautiful thing, but in this case it is not. I let thieves in to steal bits & pieces of who i am. They darted in & out so quietly that i never realized there was a loss. when i finally did, i thought “it’s too late.” So i continued on believing i was dark & mysterious. Here’s the thing. I am not those things. I wrestle with those things, but they are not who i am. I am light & color & an optimist to the core. But i silenced those parts because they didn’t seem to have a place in the community i was a part of. I stopped seeking joy & she suddenly became very elusive. Life lost enchantment & i simply wandered un-amazed. Which my dears, is no way to wander. I am allowed to be silly. I can allow myself to feel joy. I don’t have to be broody & mysterious all the time (although i must allow the room for both to be explored.) I want to be free. I want to be myself. I want to be luminous. I want to call my troubles mere poetic wanderings. I want to wrestle with the dark days & light a holy wildfire to guide me through. I want to believe in more than this. & most of all i want to wander wide eyed & blissful again.

.first ten things on my mind.

1} i’m really silly..really..my online community does’t know that about me.

2} make coffee, find vitamins.

3} at 4:30 a.m. his arms found my waist & everything was ok for a while.

4} i should shower, maybe brush my hair.

5} i always thought that when i had the time, i would write. shatter the silence or embrace it?

6} i’m tired of hearing “are you pregnant yet?” like i can will myself to conceive.

7} in one month i’ll be 24.

8} i want to run away to asheville.

9} taxes.

10} i need a glamorous floppy hat for gardening, i’m sure i’ll look silly, i don’t care.

faith.

i’m not sure where my way of faith has gotten me. always one step forward & four steps back & with each recoil i doubt myself a bit more. my relationship with Him feels fragile. i’m two curse words from being thrown off the shelf, never to be redeemed & holy again. who decided that? how did that come to be the rule? all the rules. i really feel like i just can’t handle them. i’m always unsure because i am always on the verge of breaking one & disappointing someone & it all just feels so wrong. i’m supposed to be a rebel. not this closet- whatever i’ve succumbed to being. 

{broken}

i’m spinning

the way i thought was right has flipped & all the paths look the same 

before i was sure, now i wonder

who decided it was right in the first place?

here i go 

wandering directionless 

can i listen truly

or will the voices along the way disrupt my journey again?

they don’t know me

they accept only the tidy parts of me, not the messy whole, they call it love

he knows all of me & calls this mess beauty

he sees me

wildly frantic

& loves me greater for it

they see a lost one, someone needing to be changed by their ideas of love 

their love works to change the outer, his wrecks the inner

how do i still end up confused?

is it easier to believe i need to change than to accept myself broken?